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:iconelephantselephants: More from ElephantsElephants


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Literature by 96DarkAngel

Literature by WritingxSQUIRRELxFTW


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Submitted on
August 20, 2011
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I looked into the mirror

feeling utter despair


I stared at the tears

staining my face


I looked at my upside down lips

shaking uncontrollably


I grabbed the knife

sitting on the sink


I drew two piercing red lines

One on my right wrist,

and one on my left


I jumped into the bath

waiting…

Waiting for my life

to

be

over

.

.

.
Not true... but I wrote this when I was stuck on my novel... I'm not stuck anymore :D
Comments and favorites are welcomed :D
Add a Comment:
 
:iconky1iesmy1ie:
Ky1ieSmy1ie Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
very impactful(i think thats the word to use) :clap: good job
Reply
:iconchip-munk:
chip-munk Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2011
Good night.
Reply
:iconfiresonic152:
Firesonic152 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2011
I remember when Dr. Laskowich taught us this... XD
Reply
:iconchip-munk:
chip-munk Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2011
I remember that, too!
Reply
:iconfiresonic152:
Firesonic152 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2011
YAY
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2011  Student Writer
XD
Reply
:iconlolinamechanger:
lolinamechanger Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011  Student Artist
....touching poem....n i mean in a good way!
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconlolinamechanger:
lolinamechanger Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011  Student Artist
ur welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconatlantic-lungs:
atlantic-lungs Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011  Student Writer
I don't usually like suicidal poem or about implying cutting
but yours has convinced me
teheheee
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011  Student Writer
Ahahah, thanks :)
Reply
:iconatlantic-lungs:
atlantic-lungs Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2011  Student Writer
you're welcomes :heart:
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Professional Writer
I like the rhythm quite a bit, but I think it could improve the flow to keep the two-line stanzas through to the end. The first four segments fit well into one another, but then the last two change entirely. Alternatively, you could change the style starting with "I grabbed the knife," since that is where it turns from despair to suicide.
Good job, though. :) I like the "upside down lips." Your writers' block must be awful.
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
Thanks! I completely agree with the whole flow thing. I was so pissed off at my self for doing that! Hahah!

My writer's block was awful; it's over now :)
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Professional Writer
xD Don't be pissed off! For all I know, that's exactly how you wanted it. And you can always tweak it, if it's bothering you. :)
Glad it's over. I can totally sympathise. Dreadful thing. D:
Reply
:iconstickygirl999:
stickygirl999 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
That's horrible upsetting and depressing! O:
Just a thought :/
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
Well, writing isn't always rainbows and unicorns, as I always say! :D
Reply
:iconstickygirl999:
stickygirl999 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
That's true, I'm just squeemish about wrist-cutting :P
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
Which is understandable.
Reply
:iconsartosis:
Sartosis Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
very sad. It is sad when people feel so utterly lonely or depressed to harm themselves. I have so much sypathy for them.

:(
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
So do I. It's a horrible subject.
Reply
:iconlifewithsubtitles:
LifeWithSubtitles Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
Utterly horrifying... I love it ;P The end was perfect, the way you just let it trail off like that; really good! xx
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
Thanks! :D I was thinking about going into more detail in the end, but now I'm happy I decided not to :D
Reply
:iconlifewithsubtitles:
LifeWithSubtitles Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
I think the way you structured it was just perfect, really ^^ It really made me read it the way it should be read... If that makes any sense at all ^^;
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
It totally makes sense ;)
Reply
:iconlifewithsubtitles:
LifeWithSubtitles Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
Hot diggity! :)
Reply
:iconky1iesmy1ie:
Ky1ieSmy1ie Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
very affective :D
Reply
:iconelephantselephants:
ElephantsElephants Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you!!
Reply
:iconky1iesmy1ie:
Ky1ieSmy1ie Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
yw:)
Reply
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